Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
