Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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