oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
