C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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