Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Randomize
