I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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