You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
