you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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