Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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