escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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