I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
