Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
