I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
