I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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