another moral hangover. fuck.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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