i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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