I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
