i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
