we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
