I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
