Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
