Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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