so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
