Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
