i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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