My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
