I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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