grandma shit on top of the toilet
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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