covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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