So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
