my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
