I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
