theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
