My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
