you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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