Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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