i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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