we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
