There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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