I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
