We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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