do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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