just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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