I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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