can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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