apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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