I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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