Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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