Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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