I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
