Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
