My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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