Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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