got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
